Thou Shall Not Major In…

One thing I did not realize upon entering college was that of all the fun and interesting majors offered at a school, there were only a few acceptable ones to choose from. I’m lucky my parents set me straight, or I might have majored in writing, and according to them, lived in their basement for the next 25 years trying to write a book that could actually get published. How awful!

Finding the right major was a matter of trial and error. I came dangerously close to majoring in art near the beginning of my college career, and later had to be dragged kicking and screaming away from the threat of the theater. My loving parents finally sat me down for an intervention. Let me share some of the wisdom passed down from generation to generation in my family so that you don’t make any of the horrible mistakes I might have made had I not been set straight.

Unless you wish to be a teacher and retire at the age of eighty-two, penniless and lonely, you must stay away from a major in English, History, Philosophy, Art, Theater, Dancing, Voice, Equine Studies, Women’s Studies, Art History, Classical Studies, Creative Writing, Film Studies, Photography… and the list goes on. Everybody knows an Art major can’t actually support herself by selling art. The same thing holds true for thespians, dancers, singers or writers. Evidently the lot of them subsists on dry crackers and water as they lurk in the dank basements of frustrated retirees.

It was a tough lesson for me to learn, but I’m certain my parents saved me from a miserable life withering away in their basement or behind a teacher’s desk. After long deliberation, it was decided I should major in Communications. A communications major could work for a television news station, a film company, a newspaper, a museum, a publishing house, or even as a teacher! The opportunities were endless, though in my opinion not exactly interesting.

The saving grace to the whole matter is that I loved college! I had unending choices of engaging classes, horseback riding was considered one of the colleges’ most successful sports teams, and I even explored Germany for a month and got college credit for it! I performed in almost all the theater productions and atop everything else, I graduated… early. That was a mistake! I should have stayed in school. I look back now and think of all the degrees I could have earned to compliment my Bachelor of Arts in Communications.

Fourteen years after graduation, I can honestly tell you I have never lived in my parent’s basement or been a teacher. I have been a stable manager, worked at a daycare center, sold cars, clothes and perfumes, been an office manager, a veterinary assistant, an inside sales representative, a Vice President, sold office furniture, been a secretary and run a home daycare. I have also never once worked a full-time job within my major. Well, maybe not until now. Go figure!