The Competition of EST

As a mom I know that there are a number of great taboos in parenting. One mustn't label one's children, one mustn't beat one's children, one mustn't belittle one's children and one must never, ever compare one's children to his/her siblings or to one's friend's children! I have found that through the years, peer pressure as well as the innate human competitive nature can sway even the most resolved mother.

Often enough, this competition of "est" starts even before our children are born. Examples of this include, "Mine took the longEST to conceive." Mine was the smallEST at the first ultrasound." Mine was the busiEST while in-utero."

From there it seems we are constantly judged by our peers on our child's performance. What age a child learns to sit, crawl, walk, self feed, speak, use a toilet and dress him or herself are all fodder for playground conversation and comparison. I once ran into an acquaintance in a grocery store who noticed the diapers in my cart and asked why my 3 year old wasn't potty trained yet. I told her it was because I am an inept parent and because we have no working toilets in the house. OK, so I didn't really say that, but I really wanted to! Of course her daughter was using a toilet by the time she was 22 months of age blah, blah, blah...

Well, if the actions of a child make someone feel superior to another parent, so be it. Do we feel so badly about ourselves that we must base our own value on the accomplishments of our child? Do our own achievements at work or in social settings pale in comparison to our child's success in the battle over thumb sucking?

I was given a different perspective on this issue upon the birth of my third child. She was my smallEST at 2 lbs. 7 oz. She was my earliEST, born at 30 weeks gestation. She also has Down Syndrome. Suddenly reaching the smallest of goals became monumental. The simple act of reaching for a toy brought a new sense of joy and pride to me, and it didn't matter what anybody else's mom thought! When my daughter first rolled over, I did a happy-dance in the family room and called every family member to brag about my daughter's achievement.

Suddenly it no longer mattered to me if my most special of children walked at age 2 or 4. Just the fact that she will someday learn to walk will be paramount. If she is using the potty consistently by age 6, I'll bust with pride. If she's reading Dr. Seuss at 10, I'll sing to the world about my daughter's talent and ability!

This newfound perception will only serve to help my two older children. As a parent who would NEVER label her children, I can tell you that my ADHD son and very high maintenance middle child will walk a path less scrutinized when missteps occur. We are, none of us, perfect. Each of us is an individual, as created by the good Lord. If we were not, the world would be a very boring place. In every facet of life it is too easy to look at the actions of others and judge. As far as my life is concerned, I am looking forward to the day that my youngest daughter will eat through her mouth for the first time. No biggie to you, but to us... AMAZING!!