Computer Literacy

Back in my college years, computers were just getting to the “user friendly” point… just barely. The screens were no longer black with the little, flashing, orange or green cursor. They were in an intermediate step between being better than a type-writer but not as good as Windows 93. There were no icons, no internet, and college computer courses opened one’s eyes to the wonderful world of Cobalt. Ick!

I had quite successfully avoided Computers 101 as it was not a requirement… until my senior year. Let me just tell you, I went into Comp. 101 kicking and screaming the whole way! How dare my college suddenly tell me just nine months from graduation that I could NOT graduate without this new requirement? It was like Algebra! It was something I would never have to use after leaving school. At least I sure as heck believed I wouldn’t, back then.

On my first day of Computer class, we each sat down at a desk with one of those frightening TV screen thingies on it. Electronic devices and I had never gotten on well together. It was kind of like being up close to a tarantula. If I had been leaning back in my chair any farther, I would surely have tipped over.

The professor gave a short lecture about how computers could revolutionize the world, blah, blah, blah, whatever. He mentioned that some people had irrational fears that they would somehow damage a computer by doing the wrong thing. That particular point definitely hit home with this little technophobe. To prove his point to each student on a personal level, he followed that little tid-bit with a request that each student push any key on the keyboard. Like hell!

He went about the classroom checking to see that everybody had done as he asked. Everything was just fine until he got to me. I sat frozen, like a deer in the headlights…
“Ms. Schilling, would you please press a key on your keyboard.”
“Um, I don’t think that would be a really good idea.” I stammered.
“Ms. Schilling, I can assure you that nothing bad will happen. Please don’t make me flunk you for failure to do something as simple as this.”
I felt like my stomach was trying to explode out of my navel. “I just know I’m going to mess something up, I swear to you!” I pleaded with him.
He gave me one of those looks that so clearly said “Look, you stupid twit! I’m not asking you to give yourself a self breast exam in front of the class. Just touch the damn computer, ‘Please’.” He uttered that last word only, and reached over me to poke at miscellaneous keys on my keyboard to show me how safe it really was.

As ridiculous as it sounds, I was shaking like a leaf as I reached out to touch the space bar. I could feel the plastic under my finger, but I still had to gather my courage for another moment. Tentatively, gingerly, I pressed the space bar.

Every light on campus went out.

To say I was traumatized was an understatement! The professor excused me from the class to gather my wits, and vomit. He stood outside the darkened Ladies Room attempting to console me through a small crack in the door.
“I TOLD YOU SO!” I sobbed from the bathroom stall.

The lights were restored to campus after it was discovered that a transformer had blown across the street. Of course it had nothing to do with me, or my close encounter with an electronic device, but it left a lasting impression. For the rest of the semester I received gentle one-on-one guidance from that very understanding and patient professor. I got by with a C in the class, and vowed never to do anything that required the use of a computer for the rest of my life.

Fast forward to 1997. I had moved to Dallas, Texas and was finally getting a much needed divorce. I was about to become a single mom of a one-year-old and I needed a job, fast! Through an acquaintance of an acquaintance of an acquaintance I got an interview with a nice company. A nice COMPUTER company. When the woman giving me the interview asked me if I had any computer experience, I was not lying when I said “Yes, I certainly have!”

By some stroke of fate, I got the job and quickly set about watching what everybody else was doing on these electrified boxes of terror. I put on my best professional look when I sat myself in front of my very own computer at my very own desk for the first time. My intestines felt like they were trying to strangle my spine. Then I tentatively, gingerly, pressed the space bar.

When no lights went out, nobody screamed and I didn’t get electrocuted, I took it as a pretty good omen. I set about learning all there was to know about this much-easier-to-use version of computer thingy. I also learned all there was to know about software products and how to sell licensing for those products to large companies.

By 1999 I oversaw the large volume software needs of five of the largest accounts my employer had, including J.C. Penney and the American Heart Association. I also managed a very detailed web site for our branch of business and taught a class to sales representatives on how to use the internet. Brag, brag, brag... (place resume here...)

Later in 1999 I attracted the attention of another computer company and made the transition to that company in the position of National Manager of Software Licensing. Then a friend hired me to be the Vice President of his start-up computer company. Pretty good for someone who was never going to touch a computer again just nine years earlier, I’d say.

It wasn’t until a little while later that the computer industry crashed on me… but that’s a different chapter.